ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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