Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
