I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
