how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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