I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
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i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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