I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
