There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
