I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
