ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
tell me about the fingering
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