And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
