terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there is glitter all over my balls
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
