I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
