I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
