Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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