i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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