Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
