You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize