just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
