how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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