he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
