Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
