I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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