Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
