I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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