it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
