hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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