My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
