Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
