I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
