hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
