ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
