He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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