Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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