hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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