I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize