i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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