i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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