Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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