did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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