I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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