im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
