I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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