I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Houston, we have a blender
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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