Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
