Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
