I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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