Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
