you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
