My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
