But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
