We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
smell my finger.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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