I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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