my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How's work?
Spinning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
