I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
