I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
