drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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