just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
