i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Too much gin, very little bucket
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
