sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
