I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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