oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My hand turned me down
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
