I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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