Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
