Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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