yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
the raccoons are back...
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