I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
