There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
