but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
