i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
