i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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