Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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