The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
