I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
