I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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