Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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