The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
