Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
