Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
