still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
