After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
