This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
