yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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