I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
