Got a toothbrush?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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