he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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