Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
