His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
