thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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